Welcome.

We are Nicole (witch name, la petite garçon) & Krysta (witch name, kika), but prefer if you refer to us by our maiden name, The Grape Witches.  We live and breathe the best wine and magic. Together our coven is deliciously unstoppable. Events. Reviews. Sorcery. 

NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE// february rumblings

NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE// february rumblings

Witches, Wizards, Allies, Lovers, Brand New Friends! The Coven Awaits. 

Dearest Loved Ones,

We have gathered here today to feel feelings on a screen. 

One month into Grape Witch life and we are pretty jazzed. After years of drinking, learning and studying wine, we decided that it was time we created our own narnia-closet of liquid dreams (please use Harry Potter imagery if under 25! Hogwarts?! 9 and 3/4?! #weareover25). We wanted a magical, secret place full of only nice people who cared about the world, where we could share our burning fiery passion about a thing we want more people to know about (it's wine!). No Business Men allowed. No judgement allowed. No additives or residual sugar allowed (unless it's from the sweet crushes you have on us!). Feelings and imagery and dancing a must. The weirder an idea, the more worth exploring. That people are into all these things as much as we are is humbling magic dust.

The world is pretty weird and scary right now. Like the rest of humans who are not sociopaths, we have felt rattled. It's hard not to think about what your impact on the world is and how you can make a difference. 

Wine is not outreach to women in need. It is not a lifeline to refugees in turmoil. It is not poison to maim orange clowns. But it is a powerful vehicle for sharing and connection. Sharing between friends and strangers is one of the most magical things in the whole wide world. Wine is a cultural vehicle like art or music, but it makes you a bit drunk, which can really help sometimes!! Cultures are more similar than different and anything that helps us realize that is a thing worth seeking out, especially when it tastes so delicious! We humbly suggest that the world would be a better place if we all had a drink together sharing secrets, dreams and deepest passions (plus really good cheese!). We would like to have everyone over at Krysta's table, pictured below (with great Toronto somm's and wizard king Frank Cornelissen!!!), but until she gets a bigger house we can yell about cool stuff on the internet and meet at our monthly parties. 


OKAY enough of that! We are here to pass on bestest things!!!!! First of all, have you checked out our website?? For those who keep asking what in merlin's beard we are, check out our Frequently Asked Questions page here

Our mission statement is taking the deep, fiery passion we feel for real wine and sharing it with people who give a fuck (or many fucks like us!). Wine is confusing. So much wine on shelves is made as a corporate manufactured product not an artisanal representation of place. Wine stuff aimed at young-ish people is so dumbed down it makes us scream. Or it is aimed at bros and dudes. We like some bros (do we? probably! as long as they don't tell us to smile!), but don't care what they think about wine! We want to smell dirt and lick rocks and share things that make our hearts beat very fast. We want to tell you the stories of how a wine came to be, where you can find it and how handsome the winemaker is. Laugh with us about it like we're sitting on a couch just a coupla girls in casual gowns. 


The easiest way to get wine in Ontario is of course by the bottle at the LCBO. There is a lot of garbage in the LCBO! We want to help you wade through it! Every Friday we will release an LCBO pick on our insta page. We will put this up on our LCBO & U page on our website so you have an easy reference when you're in store! 

The secret we are most obsessed with sharing is the existence of the LCBO Crossroads store. This magical far away land (Weston and 401!) is where you will find agency wines that didn't sell through for whatever reason - most often because they were too forward thinking or expensive for the Ontario market (cough english sparkling wine cough). These are wines typically only available to restaurants by the case that are marked BELOW cost price. How is it even real! Why is it so far away! We don't know, but we do know that this is your best chance to find an incredible rotating list of small producers making very cool things. We filled Nicole's crappy car with our top picks elegantly presented in this grainy iPhone photo! You are welcome! 


We can also help you pick wine not in the LCBO that are available through Ontario's consignment program. There are many advantages of going through the many agencies that supply restaurants and collectors with their selection. Small wineries do not have the stock to supply the monopoly stores. The monopoly wants marketing plans and support budgets that hippy farmers do not have or care to have! Also stores are only so big and of course stock the most popular products. These products aren't necessarily the most interesting (# are definitely not the most interesting). Happily the raddest producers your favourite sommeliers are freaking out about on their insta accounts are available if you know where to look (hint: under our velvet cloaks!). If you want a cellar consultation we can do that (no actual cellar needed, she wrote from her 1 bedroom apartment stocked with fine wine!)!

We can also do the wine selection and pouring at your cool event. We basically will do anything fun where we can wear crushed velvet, share our favourite producers and meet some cool ass humans. Check out our services page! This is flexible! Pitch us something! Give us a price! If you are cool and don't have a lot of money for your thing we will probs say yes if we like you! 

LAST THING!!!! We had such an amazing time at our last Grape Witch X Whetmyapetite event at Superpoint! Thank you to everyone who helped make it happen.

The next one is this coming Monday Feb 6th from 9-1 am at 184 Ossignton! More velvet! More dry ice! More candles! Tarot card reading! Really great music from dj birdapres. 6 amazing wines by the glass plus a secret baller wine. Glass prices including tax so cash payments are easy-peasy! No cover! More exclamation points! 




We will also be hosting our first ever EDUCATION HOUR where we go through each wine more in-depth - a thing we do for restaurant staff all the time and can't wait to share with you. This first one is completely sold out, but next month we will do two sessions! Sign up now! This is a super fun way to learn how to taste wine and what you like with an opportunity to purchase cool ass shit not in the LCBO (though no pressure to buy anything ever!!!). Small sessions with lots of room for laughs and questions before we turn down the lights and boogy at our wine seance rave.

Sign up for the next sessions on Monday March 6th is now open! Check it out! 

Monday March 6th from 7-8 pm.
Monday March 6th 8-9 pm

$20! What a crazy steal! That is allllllll. Thank you for being weird with us! Comments, questions, requests are encouraged! See you this coming Monday at Superpoint from 9 pm- 1 am! We can't wait. Here are some more photos of a wicked party. 

xoxoxo

The Witches



 

NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE// march madness

NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE// march madness

ARIES FIRE party pics!

ARIES FIRE party pics!